A Confession

Today is a mix of every bad feeling that exists;

Failure.

Disappointment.

Sorrow.

Remorse.

And guilt.


I’m sitting here, inside a mall. Where a pool of humanity pours in, perpetually. Yet, I feel like the most lonely girl in the world. 

Why?

Because you’re not here.


I’ve said and done things that have broken you to bits, I’ve made you bleed tears of sorrow; and I can’t help but leave you alone in your misery because whenever I talk to you, whenever I listen to that broken voice on the phone, I can’t help but hate myself.


My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach and a wave of guilt washes over me; it overwhelms me. And it is during this time that my tongue gets tied into a knot that is unbreakable. A lump forms inside my throat and my mind seems to forget all the words it had stored inside it.


Yet, here I am, feeling sorry as ever.


I see a number of couples in love. Staring into each other’s eyes, holding hands like their life depends on it. And trust me when I say this, I can’t help. I really can’t help but miss you.


I miss the way you held my hand, so tightly like you wouldn’t ever let go. I miss the way I felt inside the sweet embrace of your arms; so secure and so alive.


I miss the gleam inside your eyes, so bright; it removed all darkness from inside my soul. 


I miss your hand in mine, and how I thought I could rule the world with the strength your touch gave me.


I miss you, I miss you so much. And it kills me to realise that all this sorrow, all this regret that has been killing you; robbing you of your bliss, is my doing.

If I could turn back time, if only I could undo what I have done. If only I were given a chance to make amends, I would do it, a thousand times over. 

Just to see you happy, to see at peace.

To see you right next to me.

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